I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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