and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Someone signed my nipple.
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