"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
