i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I stole a fireplace last night.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
