Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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