His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
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