when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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