dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
