i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
