I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize