omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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