Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Randomize
