I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
