R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
