Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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