My cat gives me a boner
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
