I seem to have left my pride at pride
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
