stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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