I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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