It's like God shit irony all over that family
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
