Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
