hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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