Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
