Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
