There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Randomize
