i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
