he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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