There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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