On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
