This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize