I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
