hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
