I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
