You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize