if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
