imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
