We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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