i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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