just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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