My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
