I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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