just come out here and I will go home with you...
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Just invented taco cereal.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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