I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Randomize
