matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
My balls are so social today.
Sober January is a disaster.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
