so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
