Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
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