allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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