I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
