found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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