And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
