I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
