You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
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