i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
