It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
