Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
