Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
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