I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
