I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
