i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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