I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
